Most, if not all, of us have had ups and downs in life, times of joy and celebration, times of tragedy and heartbreak, times we were just getting by emotionally, physically, or financially, and times of triumph. So how does this all fit into the philosophy that we create our own realities? To be fair, we are co-creating since the Universe, Divine, or God, if you will, does play a part. Did we really create the terminal illness, the loss of a job, the financial ruin? Likewise, did we create all of the good in our lives? The simple answer to both is, yes.

The first time I heard of this co-creating stuff I took offense, some pretty serious offense because of where I had come from in life; a long period of nearly every abuse under the sun. So, what you are telling me is I co-created 30 years of abuse for myself, the kids, and our animals? What kind of a monster must I be? I definitely had to put aside that teaching for quite a while before I could even begin to sort through its meaning.

True to my personality, I didn’t leave it set aside long. Painful as it sounded, I needed to find out what all this co-creating nonsense had to do with the life I had to date. Co-creating sounds all ‘new agey’ and out there, but it really isn’t. Breaking it down to the core element, our words are powerful. The Bible says it several times in several different ways. In Proverbs, it says the power of life and death is in the tongue, and in Mark, Jesus said we can have what we say. Usually, people think in terms of positive things they want; money, possessions, wisdom, healing, the list is endless. But, we need to remember there is always a flipside, is there not? So, if we can co-create the good in our lives, we also co-create the not-so-good.

In spiritual circles we think in terms of vibrations and energy. Everything in the universe is made up of vibrational energy. God, the Divine, the Universe, Source Energy, whichever term works for you, does not “do” for us as Christianity teaches. Christianity teaches us to think outside of ourselves, in other words, when praying we pray to God to change our circumstances, heal us, make us more financially stable, find us a partner, again the list is endless. What preachers do not tell us, at least most do not, is that when Jesus said we can have what we say, He was telling us to “do” something. We write our reality, not God. The conflict between Christianity and thee (me) boils down to twisting and turning what we have come to know as scripture to say what suits us at the time. The spiritual seekers accept without qualification we co-create our reality and get what we say, or think, and God, or Source, answers without judgment. Now, again, let’s not get all obsessive-compulsive here and paranoid about every thought and word. In terms of vibrational energy, whatever we give the most time to in thought and word is the vibrational energy that will grow and intensify. The vibrational energy will then be reflected back to us by Source, or God. So, if I am always talking about my lack of – fill in the blank – I will get more lack in return, and the opposite would be true.

Back to how this applies to my past life. The thought I had co-created the abusive situation I found myself and kids a part of was a hard pill to swallow, but enlightening at the same time. The first thing I chose to do on the road to enlightenment was to deny my authentic self. Our authentic self is who we are and we can either allow or deny its presence. In my case, I chose to be who my ex-husband, and everyone else for that matter, wanted me to be as opposed to who I was. Don’t ever do that!! If you have already, recognize it and work toward letting your authentic self take the lead. Each of us is a magnificent unique spirit living in a human body. When we choose to create an inauthentic self to replace our authentic self in an effort to please others, it deprives us of finding and living out our purpose, and deprives the world of our unique gifts and talents. From there life snowballed. I had lost who I was.

The remainder of the years of abuse were spent trying to find the right balance so the abusive behavior would stop. Anyone who has lived with an abuser knows exactly what I am talking about and also knows how futile it is trying to find the balance to make it stop. It doesn’t exist. The abused and the abuser wrongly believe the abused are the cause. Both are being woefully deceived. No one is living through their authentic selves and so life becomes a swirling cesspool of heightened emotion and reactions.

I believe life is to be spent learning, so what was I to learn? That we deserved the abuse? Certainly not! No one deserves to be abused, used, harassed, bullied, or anything similar. We are meant to love and be loved, but the truth is everyone is co-creating their realities and realities collide. The ex-husband had chosen his path and because I had not valued myself, and I wanted out of my little hometown like so many young adults do, I took the first train out; that train being a poor choice in a husband.

I do not, nor have I ever believed, words teach. Experience is our only valuable teacher, so what did I learn? Gratitude. Sounds weird, right? I was not grateful for the abuse; I was grateful for the wisdom and knowledge the abuse taught, grateful we had all survived, grateful for the clarity of purpose it provided. I am grateful for who my kids and I have become as a result. Trust me when I say the lightbulb did not turn on overnight, but the point is the lightbulb did come on!

Do I live from my authentic self every moment of every day? No, I do not. I still struggle, and I am fine admitting the struggle. I am still uncovering the reasons for the struggle, and each uncovered reason provides a new level of understanding, of growth, and of appreciation for the journey. As far as this co-creating-our-reality stuff goes, I prefer to think of it co-creating our life journey. We are all on a journey in this life to learn, and the choices are ours to make.

What are you co-creating on your life journey? You are in the driver’s seat…..


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